While meeting with a friend for dinner a few weeks ago, I realized something important: I'm not a great listener. I don't like small-talk, so I have a difficult time staying focused when the conversation shifts into that territory. I try but it doesn't come naturally to me and if I don't make a concerted effort my mind wanders to other things.
Why is this important? Because being a good listener can make you a better writer.
If you don't listen to how people talk and pay attention to what they say, you'll have no foundation to help you write great dialogue or to develop characters with depth.
Listening and dialogue
Good dialogue has a rhythm to it. It flows seamlessly from one line to the next. Your scenes won't stand out if you don't have the ability to recognize that rhythm and incorporate it into your dialogue.
Movie dialogue is a refined and polished version of everyday conversation. It's a distilled version of real-life speech. Before you can capture that essence and use it in your dialogue, you need to have a feel for how real people talk.
You also need to be alert for subtext, for the underlying significance and the difference between what people say versus what they really mean. You won't pick up on those cues if you're not actively listening.
Listening and character development
The more you listen, the more you'll learn about people, about how they think and feel. You can use what you learn to create multi-layered characters.
If you don't pay attention to real people, you're more likely to create one-dimensional characters. Real people have more than one defining characteristic. Spend more time listening and you'll start to peel back those layers and get to what's below the surface.
How to become a better listener
Here are four simple ways to improve your listening skills. I've been trying these techniques myself lately and they're already proving helpful.
1. Practice "focused listening"
Devote your full attention to what the other person is saying. Don't spend that time thinking about what you're going to say next, mentally compiling your to-do list, or daydreaming about your upcoming vacation.
Try not to get distracted. If you're conversing with someone in person, ignore your mobile phone and keep your mind on the conversation. Pay attention to the person you're with. If you're chatting via telephone, sit in a place where your attention won't be easily diverted to something else.
2. Listen more than you talk
Practice the 3-to-1 rule. Spend three times as much time listening as you spend talking.
Writers are storytellers. Talking is a form of storytelling, and sometimes it's difficult to resist that impulse. Do your best to set aside the urge to talk.
3. Ask questions
In order to ask relevant questions, you need to pay attention to what the other person is saying. If you're not listening, you won't know what to ask. So, by making an effort to ask more questions in every conversation, you'll automatically increase the amount of attention you give to the other person.
Ask open-ended questions, not questions that can be answered with a yes-or-no response.
4. Take your time
We're so conditioned to fear the potential for awkward silences that we often rush to fill any silence with words. Instead, slow down. Listen to the other person. When she's done speaking, take a moment to gather your thoughts before you begin to talk.
By consciously allowing this time for thinking before speaking, you'll cut down on the amount of time you spend contemplating what you're going to say next when you should be listening instead.
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